Toxic Beer by Simon Bullock

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Unemployed computer engineer Sidney Ramsbottom inherits a small fortune from his late father’s business investments after he is found dead floating face down in a large vat of beer accompanied by two scantily-dressed Polish pole dancers and their three performing sheep Brittany, Lulu, and Michaela.

Before Sid has a chance to enjoy this unexpected windfall, however, he is abducted by a group of thieving alcoholic aliens who have been bumping and burping their way across the universe while on the run from the Intergalactic Police in a stolen spaceship.

Sid is left unconscious in the spaceship’s smelly cargo bay and left to rot while the aliens set forth to carry out their plans for the planet Earth.

Read an Excerpt

Newly promoted, Harry now found himself with an additional problem. Before the chief had got himself shot, he’d explained the situation with the spaceship’s propulsion system, which was helpful, but not how to solve the problem, which was far from practical. Harry knew that they’d needed additional parts to fix it. Harry racked his brains for a suitable solution. He then did the only thing he could think of that would help by suggesting that they land on the nearest planet before the ship blew itself to pieces. Once he had explained the problem to his senior officer and the captain, Harry went ahead with their blessing and started searching for a habitable planet.

However, after searching for intelligent life and not having much luck, Harry was about to give up when one of his junior engineers, a chap called Chas, came running in one afternoon with some good news. ‘I found a planet that’s habitable, Harry.’ He could hardly keep the excitement out of his voice. However, Harry wasn’t convinced. ‘Where?’ ‘I checked the planets several times for intelligent life, and the computer came up blank every time.’

‘Look, Harry, I’m not messing you about.’ ‘It’s most definitely coming from the planet earth. You need to come and listen to it yourself if you don’t believe me.’

Harry followed his engineer to the ship’s main communication room to see all the fuss was about. The engineer was correct in his calculations, and the signal came from the earth. It overjoyed Harry when he heard the good news, realising that this would mean they could get the vital spare parts they needed to make for repairs, perhaps some alcohol. Harry rushed back to the ship’s bridge with the good news of his discovery. Dick was equally excited and informed the captain.

Harry suggested landing the spaceship on a small abandoned planetoid that orbited the planet earth.

About the Author: Simon, who works as a medical engineer, has had a lifelong passion for writing as well as a sci-fi comedy.

Toxic Beer has been a decade in the making but, as readers and critics alike attest, has been worth the wait. Simon’s zany, joke-rich and earthy storytelling will appeal to anyone who loves the likes of Douglas Adams’ Hitchhiker’s Guide, the writing of Robert Rankin, as well as classic British TV sci-fi comedy, show Red Dwarf and the cult sci-fi comedy film Galaxy Quest.

With his first, critically acclaimed novel having gone down better with readers than a cool pint on a scorching day, Simon is now working on a follow-up to Toxic Beer–a prequel revealing the bleary-eyed aliens’ escapades during their extended inter-galactic booze cruise.

A hoopy frood who always knows where his towel is, Simon also plays blues harp in the rising Dutch blues band, BluesShack.

Originally from the UK, Simon currently lives in Utrecht, Netherlands, with his wife Chrissie and two cats. In his free time, he enjoys cooking and likes to brew homemade Beer with more kick than an Arcturian MegaDonkey.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/simonbullock.co.uk
Twitter: https://twitter.com/SimonbullockA
Website: https://www.simonbullockauthor.com/

Buy Link: https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Beer-TOXIC-BEER-TRILOGY/dp/B0932CXBJ5

The book is only $0.99 or free on Kindle Unlimited.

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