The Cyborg's Crusade by Benoit Lanteigne

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When to Tell not Show

Probably the writing advice I’ve heard the most is show don’t tell. Mostly, I agree, but I’m also French Canadian. What does that have to do with anything? Well, in French every rule has an exception and the same holds for “show don’t tell”. That’s why I’m going to talk about four situations where you can consider telling.

#1 Brevity Showing is great and creates more immersive stories, but it comes at a cost: word length. All those descriptions add up and you can have what would be a short sentence turn into a paragraph or more. If you need to keep your text brief, telling might end up being necessary.

#2 Boring stuff This is probably the most obvious example. Some aspects of a story can be boring even if necessary and focusing too much on them can pull the reader out of your story. Let’s take an example. The main characters made a sandwich for their lunch, and the main conflict involves having said sandwich stolen by a coworker. Readers need to be informed there’s a sandwich involved, no question there. But, do you need to show how the sandwich was made? Should you describe how the protagonist found the bread in the armoire? How they buttered those slices? How they cut the tomatoes. Did the juice from those tomatoes leak out under the knife? Should there be paragraphs upon paragraphs of intense sandwich action? Unless your book is about the thrilling world of sandwich making (and who am I to say it isn’t), maybe not. It’s just more effective to mention quickly to the reader the main character has a sandwich instead of boring them with useless details.

#3 Unimportant stuff Sometimes you can have elements of your story that could be compelling, but the story doesn’t need to go over them in detail. In such cases, it’s okay to tell the reader about those elements instead of showing them. Why would you do this, though? Two reasons come to mind, and you might find more. First, decreasing word counts. If your story is so long that it would be hard to attract a publisher and you wish to be traditionally published, trimming the fat can make all the difference. Second, focusing a lot on the non-essential part of your story can distract the reader and take away from the main point.

As an example, in The Cyborg’s Crusade, I have invented a world where a large-scale war happened in the past. The reader must know about that war and some of its aspects, but only limited information is needed.

#4 Absolute clarity There’s a strange paradox about showing. Perhaps you are saying more to be less clear. Let me explain with an example: The person is angry.

If I tell you that, there’s no room for misinterpretation. The character is angry; end of the story. There’s no debate about possibilities. But, if I decide to show their anger through their posture, tone of voice, and so on, then I introduce ambiguity. Suddenly, the readers have their own interpretation that can differ from mine. In many cases, that’s good. It’s the kind of subtlety that makes writing more engaging. However, what if it’s important to you that your intention cannot be mistaken? What if it’s crucial the reader understands the character is angry and failure to do so isn’t an option? Then, telling might be the only way to achieve your goal.

How did it come to this? My life used to be so simple. Back then, I hated it; I found it boring. Let me tell you: boring’s good. Boring’s great! I should’ve been thankful…

It was supposed to be a date like any other for James Hunter, a simple convenience store clerk. Nothing more than watching a movie in the town of Moncton. A place as unknown and unimportant as he considered his own existence to be. And yet, while walking to a cinema, James teleports to another world. There, a hostile crowd surrounds him, including various mutants with strange deformities.

Before he can even gather his wits or make a dash for it, a lone ally presents herself in the form of a winged woman named Rose. An important cultural figure in the country where James appeared, she offers him both protection and a home.

Soon, James learns that this new world is divided by a cold war. On one side is Nirnivia, home to Rose. The other, Ostark, led by a mysterious cyborg. James is unaware that the cyborg has him in his crosshairs, thinking of him as the Deus Ex Machina that will end the war in his favor.

But, the cyborg is far from the only potential threat to James. Soon after his arrival, BRR, a terrorist organisation, kidnaps him.

What would a rogue group out for revenge seeking to turn the cold war hot want with someone like James? Is there anyone also aware of this other world who will try to find him? Or is he on his own? If so, how is he supposed to escape? If that's even an option...

Read an Excerpt

Though initially shocked by the vehicle storming at them, the crowd soon recuperated. They glanced at each other and brandished their fists at the offenders. A few gave chase, but on foot they stood little chance of overtaking the pair. One of the chasers yelled, “Hey, it’s that Wrathchild traitor bitch helping the human asshole.”

Not concentrating on the road, Wrathchild offered her companion a side glance. “Don’t listen. Had veterinarians do test.” She smirked. “Ain’t no female dog.”

Despite their superior speed, she opted for caution and swerved into a small street. James exhaled as he hoped the retreat cut the hunt short. Then a soaring bottle grazed his ear. It shattered on the asphalt with a chink. A rock followed, and next a banana-shaped fruit of all things. The projectiles missed their mark, yet James’s muscles tensed up. He mumbled to himself in an attempt to calm his nerves. His worries proved futile. They outpaced the flock, who vanished in the distance in a second. Before he could relax, a rumbling sound arose from behind.

James gulped. He deduced the implications. Terrified, his brain ordered him not to look, but the temptation ended up too strong. Out of breath, he took a glimpse. A bare-chested thug covered in tattoos had mounted his own bike and raced after them. A lone hand steered; the other wielded a club. The message seemed obvious: he’d prefer to risk an accident than not to pummel them.

About the Author: So, my name is Benoit Lanteigne and I’m a French Canadian (outside of Quebec) who’s trying to write in English. That can be tricky. I’m a computer programmer and I enjoy it. I see many inspiring writers who hate their jobs and hope to quit someday, but that’s not my case. Mostly, I’ve worked on websites and web applications.

Back in school, I enjoyed writing and according to my teachers and classmates; I had a talent for it. Well, not so much for grammar and spelling, but they liked my stories. Once I went to university, I dropped writing as a hobby. There were other things I wanted to focus on, such as my career. Then, in the early 2000s, around 2006 I’d say, I had a flash of inspiration. At first, it was a single character: a winged woman with red hair. I didn’t even know who she was, but the image stuck with me. From there, I began figuring out details about her origins and her world, but I only started writing for real in 2009.

It’s been roughly 10 years now, and it’s not yet finished. That’s in part because I write in my spare time, and in part because the scope of the project is huge. Maybe too much so. Still, I’m getting close to the point where I could release something. The question is what’s next? Self-publishing? Attempt traditional publishing? Nothing? I don’t know the answer yet, I’m trying to figure it out. Frankly, sharing my writing is difficult for me, and whatever I end up doing, as long as I make it available to people I consider the experience a victory no matter what comes out of it.

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