Grayality by Carey PW

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Pate, Oakley, Bullet, Jody, Maybelle, and Stormy
Where Do They All Come From?

It’s not worth writing unless it’s personal. While the novel is not a memoir, the characters are loosely based on people from my lived experiences, or they are created from my own fears or insecurities. In a sense, readers can’t read my works without getting inside my head in some way.

Pate Boone

My inspiration in writing this novel comes from my own transition from feminine to masculine. Pate’s age may serve as a metaphor for the naivety that I had going into transitioning. I had assumed that I knew myself and where my life was going until at age thirty-eight, I transitioned and had to figure myself out all over again. Like Pate, I feared rejection, prejudice, and not feeling loved. I wanted Pate to reflect my own insecurities as I came into my identity, and making him stealth seemed to align with this internal conflict better.

My favorite aspect of Pate is his dancing. Pate’s dancing can reflect this freedom he experiences in his new body. I think Pate sums it up best when he asserts, “I always feel best when I’m in motion.”

Oakley Ogden

Oakley is loosely based on my husband, Joe. Oakley struggles with his feelings for another man because he has written off the possibility of experiencing attraction to men. Joe married me when I presented as a woman with no idea that I was transgender. After coming out to him, he never said anything derogatory; he only believed that his sexuality could not include men. This process carried on for three years until one day, Joe saw a counselor and since then, has been completely on board. Our love has only become stronger.

Joe has told me many times that he appreciated that I gave him time to process and overcome his internal conflicts with my gender. Oakley may frustrate readers at times, but Oakley is going through his own process. I wanted to create a character who was realistic while not ideal. Some readers may hate him while others may understand him. Pate and Oakley have an affectionate friendship because I wanted to show that Oakley’s physical closeness with Pate didn’t change after Pate transitioned. This shows that Oakley is not as rigid as he may appear.

Bullet and Stormy

Readers may clearly identify Bullet and Stormy as foil characters. Both are local to Montana and are stereotypically outdoorsy men. They are also large in stature and physically tough. However, Bullet uses his attributes to bully others whereas Stormy is shy, awkward, and kind. Stormy accepts Pate and Oakley when they arrive in Cloverleaf, especially as someone who hasn’t always been accepted himself. Stormy is open to attending the drag show with Pate and Oakley and shows no prejudices with Oakley and Jody’s relationship. Stormy is meant to challenge the attitudes that small town people are close-minded. On the other hand, Bullet embodies all my fears in terms of prejudices. He is mean, aggressive, and violent. In a way, Bullet provides me a way to explore my own fears. Bullet is large and cannot be ignored.

Jody and Maybelle

The two love interests in the novel can also be considered foil characters. Jody is confident even though he is also isolated in Cloverleaf. Regardless, Jody knows who he is, making him a nice contrast to Pate and Oakley, too. Jody represents the possibility at the end of one’s sexuality or gender identity journey. Once all the insecurity and fear are overcome, one can stand as oneself with pride. He shows Pate and Oakley who they can become.

Maybelle is far from Jody. She is young, immature, and very easily influenced. She cares what everybody thinks. But Pate doesn’t notice this flaw in her. Instead, he sees a beautiful, lively girl who can help him feel like a man. He so desperately wants to fit that hyper-masculine role.

These are the stories behind the characters in Grayality, which are all some inner working parts of me. Readers may find themselves pleasantly surprised.

Love knows no gender.

Pate Boone, a twenty-six-year-old transgender man, embarks on a new adventure when his childhood best friend, and yes, ex-lover, Oakley Ogden, convinces him to escape their hometown in hopes for something new.

They land in Cloverleaf, a tiny rural town in Montana, so that Oakley can care for his granny who is battling breast cancer. She pressures the two young men to enroll in a nearby college. Pate immediately becomes enthralled with Maybelle, a young, vivacious freshman to whom he fears revealing his transgender identity. Still, he finds it impossible to resist Maybelle, even after he meets her ex, Bullet, a large, violent man determined to keep Pate away from “his girl.”

But there are others who accept Pate immediately, like Stormy. An outdoorsy, rugged freshman, Stormy warns Pate away from Maybelle and Bullet, but Pate’s too infatuated to heed these warnings.

Oakley tries to support his friend’s new love but finds himself entangled in his own emotional calamity when he unintentionally falls for Jody, a gay and ostentatiously confident drag queen. This new relationship awakens deep internal conflicts in Oakley as he struggles to accept his bisexuality, lashing out at Pate and causing friction between him and Jody.

Oakley must decide if he can overcome his insecurities so he doesn’t lose the love of his life. And Pate must discover if the love between him and Maybelle is strong enough for her to accept him as a transgender man, or if she will break his heart.

Read an Excerpt

We sat on his sofa, me sipping water through a straw and listening to a punk rock station that Stormy had found just for me. He held a bag of ice in a washcloth against my jaw for me, and I eventually laid my head on his lap to make it easier to ice.

“I know it’s hard to talk, but I don’t know what transgender means. Would you explain it to me?” he asked. Moving my mouth the best I could, I shared my story with Stormy. I told him how I’d never felt like a girl but rather a boy always trying to be something he wasn’t. I told him about the baggy clothes in high school, the sports bras and binders to squish down my breasts, and Oakley, loving me as a girl but not as a man. I even told him about the suicide attempt. At this point, I figured he had already seen me get assaulted. He had already seen my vagina. Everyone in town already knew. What more could I lose?

He just listened in intent silence. Surprisingly, words flooded out of my swollen jaw, and I kept drooling as I talked. Stormy wiped it away with the washcloth and kept listening. The hours flew by until I saw the sun shining in through his blue curtains and heard the early birds chirping outside. I was exhausted.

About the Author:

Carey PW (he/they) is a debut author, college instructor, and mental health counselor. Carey is currently completing his next manuscript, Acing the Game.

Carey lives in Montana, and identifies as nonbinary, transmasculine (AFAB) and panromantic asexual. Due to the lack of resources in rural communities, Carey has discovered that writing about his lived experiences is a therapeutic outlet for him and hopes that his readers relate to his own personal struggles and triumphs shared through his characters’ narratives. Carey is particularly interested in exploring relationship conflicts around sexuality and gender differences. He has also worked as a high school writing instructor and college writing instructor, earning a B.A. in English Literature, a M.Ed. in English Education, and Ph.D. in Social Foundations of Education all from the University of Georgia. In 2020, Carey earned his second M.Ed. in Counselor Education and works as a licensed clinical professional counselor, LCPC. He has a strong passion for working with the unique mental health issues of the LGBTQIA+ community.

Readers can learn more about Carey from his blog. When he is not writing, Carey is busy training for marathons, parenting his six cats, sharing his culinary talents on social media, serving on the board for the nonprofit Center for Studies of the Person (CSP) and learning photography.

Carey PW loves to hear from readers. You can find his contact information, website and author biography at Pride Publishing.

Pride Publishing: http://www.pride-publishing.com
Author Blog: http://www.careypw.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/careypatrickwertz
Twitter: https://twitter.com/CareyPW2
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kerri.p.singer/

Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Grayality-Carey-PW-ebook/dp/B0B1F4TJJX/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0

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