Jay Got Married by James Robinson Jr.

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Five Things You Probably Wouldn't Guess About Me

1. I collect watches—mainly the Invicta model. At last count I have fifty timepieces in my collection, but I’ve given a lot away. In fact, I have this custom whereby if someone compliments me on a watch, and they look watch worthy, I take it off and give it to them. They’re always quite shocked at the gesture. Usually, the giftees are younger people who seem worthy of such an act of generosity.

During one trip through a Wendy’s drive-thru, a young man—obviously a watch lover—complimented me on my watch and I gave it to him through the thru window after I had given him my debit card. As I got my food at the next window I lamented: “Damn, that was one of my favorite watches.” But a tradition is a tradition.

Don’t get me wrong, if I’m wearing a $500 collector’s edition, I say thanks to the person who paid the compliment and go on about my way.

2. I have found that using clipart and even shots of my own lovely visage in my books make them more interesting and accentuate my points. If my friends at Its Raining Books choose to print this picture, you’ll see what I mean:

Suffice it to say, I had an online company replace one of People’s sexiest men with my face. Who does that? Read the book for further explanation.

3. Usually, casual strangers and reading friends are more likely than family to buy my books and leave a review than family. None of my adult children—ages, 37-40—have read any of my 6 books. My 62-year-old cousin asked for my first book 8 years ago. I mailed it to him at a cost of $5. Who mails people books? I know he has yet to read it.

I gave my aunt my latest book (I told her that I mentioned her in one of the essays) but not only has she not read the book, I suspect she hasn’t read that essay. Maybe I’m being too sensitive.

Oh, she gave me a few tidbits that lead me to believe that she read it but, I’m thinking, she didn’t read it.

Family are the worst.

4. I can be a bit of a perfectionist. Sometimes I go through a lot of work to create the perfect image. In addition to my People Magazine work of art, to end my lead essay I rented an exact replica of a tuxedo that I wore 43 years ago at my wedding. I then bought a cutout of Gal Godot of Wonder Woman fame—to avoid copyright infrngement—and had a photo session in studio. My goal is to have her actually take a picture with me. My wife says that’s taking it a bit too far. What can I say, it’s what I envision. Here is the picture that I did use:

Again, if you can’t see the picture, buy the book. Come to think about it, buy the book anyway.

5. After writing the tongue-in-cheek essay that featured the same title as title of the book, Jay Got Married, I ended up in the doghouse for a while. What I thought was a perfected innocent essay turned out to be a bit of a marital quagmire. In the essay, I proposed the question: “what would I do if something happened to my wife and I was forced with the prospect of living without her?

“She’s loyal, honest to a fault,” I said, “puts up with my crap, cleans the toilet after me, and makes a mean cherry pie.” I went on to discuss my possibility of finding a mate in the 21st century at my age in this crazy world of dating and concluded that I would die a lonely, old man. But my wife didn’t take it that way; she merely said that I killed her off. Tell me, ladies, does this sound like an offensive scenario to you?

I see it every day—one member of a long-term married couple not wanting to be the last of the duo to say adios. My wife never finished this essay. In fact, she never finished the rest of the book. Sometimes, you can’t win for losin’.

Jay Got Married consists of 9 humorous and, at times, poignant essays chronicling the ironies of everyday life in word and picture. Take for example the lead essay, aptly titled, "Jay got Married," where I find myself mired in a horrendous dream.

In the fantasy, my aging father--dressed in his favorite Champion t-shirt with stains covering the front--marries my wife and I like he did 42 years ago but, this time around, the my 92-year-old ex-clergy dad forgets his lines causing me to coach him through the event with hints like: "ask for the rings, ask for the rings." All the while, my best man sings Sonny and Cher's, "I Got You Babe."

Finally married, my wife and I end the ceremony with a kiss. But as I turn to exit, my eyes catch a glimpse of the bridesmaid who is no longer my wife's best friend but now Gal Gadot from Dell Comics and Wonder Woman Fame. She is dressed in full Wonder Women regalia and looks totally shocked by the whole affair.

My mother turns to my father (now in the audience) with a quizzical look and says, “Dad, look at that bridesmaid. Isn’t that Superman?” She doesn't get out much.

As we exit the church, and the bubbles fill the air--no one uses rice anymore—my wife ignores the limo and takes off on a sleek motorcycle, leaving me in the lurch—hence the cover.

Sure, it's sounds crazy. But, in truth, isn't the world of marriage crazy these days? In my case, what would one do when faced with the prospect of losing their beloved wife after 42 years? At age 67, would they remarry? Would they even want to remarry? These and other marital tidbits are discussed with humor and as much reverence as I could muster.

P.S. The author pairs up with Wonder Woman again in a final bit of photo wizardry Why? How? How are tricky copyright infringement laws avoided? Read Jay Got Married and find out.

Read an Excerpt

But though they may not have realized it, there was a cultural paradigm in place in the child’s household, an unwritten rule that existed for the young moviegoer and their parents—a decree that could never be broken. Paying the adult ticket price before you had reached the throes of puberty was a fate worse than death.

This silent pronouncement wasn’t totally about bringing in the cash. Based on the information at hand, ticket prices in 1965—when I was in the 12-13 age bracket—were about $1.25 for adults and 75 cents for children. But back then, 50 cents was a lot of money. We could pay 75 cents to get in and use the other 50 for snacks. Paying that for admission just wasn’t in the cards. And anyway, it was the principle of the thing.

For a big 12-year-old kid like me, who looked like he was 15, this was a nightmare scenario. I was a hulk of a boy, and when I stepped up to the window and announced that I wanted a child ticket, a hush fell over the crowd.

I had never seen this scenario play out before, but the guy who was ahead of me—a boy they used to say was “big for his age” like me—had come prepared. Born ahead of his time, he had found a foolproof way to beat the voucher thugs at their own game. In an unprecedented move for a 12-going-on-13 fusion, he brought his birth certificate along as collateral. What genius!

About the Author:James Robinson, Jr. is an award-wining author who has written 6 books in both the fiction and non-fiction genres. His first book Fighting the Effects of Gravity: A Bittersweet Journey Into Middle Life, was an Indie Award winner for nonfiction. His first foray into fiction, Book of Samuel, was a Readers’ Favorite Award Winner. His latest book—Jay Got Married—is a collection of 9 humorous, sometimes poignant essays.

Mr. Robinson resides in Pittsburgh, PA with his wife of 43 years. He is the father of three daughters ages 37, 38, and 40 and has six grandchildren

Amazon Author Page: https://www.amazon.com/James-Robinson-Jr./e/B0074O0QLI%3Fref=dbs_a_mng_rwt_scns_share
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Twitter: https://twitter.com/jamesrobinsonj1

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