Once Upon a Time, Bitches by Branden LaNette

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Five things we’d probably never guess about you

I was struggling to share one thing about me no one would guess, so five is going to be incredibly challenging and I’m here for this. Thank you for making me dig a little deep.

I used to hate my name. I was completely embarrassed for most of my life. I used to go by Brandie. Now, if anybody calls me that, it’s like nails on the chalkboard. I find it repulsive actually. I have thought long and hard to become who I am and love the person staring back at me in the mirror. So, I’m incredibly proud of my name. I also love getting saucy with people that question if it’s really my name.

If I could have 20 babies, I would. I have a medical issue that forced me to have C-sections, I would have died without them. Unfortunately, the limit for my body was six of them, so now I’m going to dream about adopting them in the future.

I am a crier. I cry when I’m happy, mad, sad, I cry for everything. My heart is incredibly big and being a loving person is probably my most incredible trait.

I feel energy at an incredible level, from other people. It’s overwhelming at times and it forces me to check out more often than I should. I really have to protect my energy by avoiding things like media, and news etc. gossip, it will put me down for days.

I am deathly afraid of needles. It's easy to stereotype someone with tattoos and think it’s the same thing, but the tattoo machine is on the surface of my skin, needles go in it and I just can’t deal with that.

That’s Branden on the cover. Yes, she has a boy’s name, a Mom bod, and her tattoos are not photoshopped. She doesn’t look like your typical author and she sure doesn’t look like the next self-help Instagram sweetheart.

However, besides being a wife, mom to six kids (plus others with fur), coach and business owner, Branden is the author of the new book, Once Upon a Time, Bitches. It’s a fast paced, in your face, expletive laced, nothing held back message to women everywhere: There is no magic fairytale, but if YOU work at it enough you can come pretty close to creating your version with a happily ever after.

But first, no more whining and no more damsel locked in a tower, bullsh*t. Is it possible to design a fairytale life? Control your destiny? Be the hero in your story? Branden thinks there is and she wants to help you.

Read an Excerpt

Success is different for everyone, clearly. Right now, with an 8-month-old baby in my arms as I type this, I define success as getting clothes onto both of us.

Success doesn’t have anything to do with your bank account, either. So don't think you can’t speak up in a meeting or approach someone with a business idea just because you think they’re “more successful” than you are. Fantastic Fran may be making $1 million per year and you’ve only got only $47.22 in the bank.

Your idea could be worth $10 million, maybe more, who knows? You’ll never know unless you speak up and take a chance.

Success also has nothing to do with followers, likes or clicks. And it sure as fuck isn’t about approval from friends and family.

Move the f on with that sh*t.

“Success” is what you say it is. It is waking up AF to be alive. Success is wearing your heart on the outside and sharing a gift with another human. Success is happiness in the things you do, not in the things you have.

Success isn’t ANYTHING anyone else tells you it is. It’s what you tell yourself it is. Which ultimately means that, if you’re taking my advice, you should ignore everything I just said success is and/or isn’t because, in the end, only you can define what in the fuck success is for you. Only you.

Only you.

Don’t let me or anyone else define what makes you happy. Your inner feelings define what success is, and your smile describes it to the world.

Fran thinks I am a hot mess, and she’s right. Karen thinks I’m a superstar, and she’s right, too. Neither of their opinions affect my definition. Neither of their judgements dulls my shine.

I know I’m a success because I have everything I’ve ever wanted, saggy boobs and all. I could do without some of the cellulite, but now we’re just nitpicking.

About the Author:

Branden LaNette doesn’t look like a typical author but she has long ignored what she “should” do, say and look like. On her own at a very young age, Branden eventually found herself with the wrong guy, the wrong job, and a bleak future. The fairytale she was promised as a child never materialized.

Finally, Branden decided that she wanted something different for her life, and realized no one was going to do it for her. Prince charming wasn’t coming to save her—she’d have to save herself.

Step by step, decision by decision, through major trials and tribulations that would stop most people in their tracks, Branden learned how to turn heartbreak into happiness and self-judgement into inner joy.

Today, Branden LaNette is an entrepreneur, coach, speaker, wife, and stay-at-home Mom to six C-section babies (ages 1-16) and way too many f-ing pets. Somehow, however, she manages to juggle all of this effortlessly (a blatant lie) while pushing her way through the kinds of fear and self-doubts that whisper within all of us (totally true) to achieve her goals. Her most recent dream come true is this book, one that is destined to have a major impact on millions of women across the globe (or at least nine people in Michigan.)

Through it all, she has found her happiness, her joy, and more importantly, her voice.

Website: http://www.BrandenLanette.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Branden.Lanette
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/Branden_Lanette
Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/Brandenlanettel

Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Once-Upon-Time-Bitches-Fairytale/dp/1947814869/

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